Each week, BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 1661 West 45th Avenue, Vancouver

Price: $6,500,000

Listing ID: R2136661

The skinny: Six-bedroom, five-bathroom, 4,309-square-foot house on a 9,583-square-foot lot in South Granville.

The bling: There’s nothing like a bit of movie magic when you want to indulge your dreams of owning a house immortalized on film. I mean, who doesn’t want to wake up in a space where a fabulous film star went before? I’ll take the house Robert De Niro’s character in Heat lives in, please. You want something actually available for purchase? Okay, then I’ll settle for the amazing Elrod House in Palm Springs, seen in Diamonds Are Forever, currently listed at US$7 million. Too beautiful a house? Too iconic a movie? Fear not. When it comes to unapologetically-underwhelming-yet-expensive property, Vancouver never disappoints. Indeed, it’s becoming a definite leader in this niche market. Take this week’s featured Big Fat property: not only is it $6.5 million, thereby maintaining its clearly elite credentials, it is being marketed on the strength of its starring role in—wait for it—Cats & Dogs. I can feel the tingle of uninhibited mediocrity rising inside you already but pace yourself: this B-listing has only just begun. Step behind this very mock Georgian façade for a slice of the unabashedly unimpressive. If pink melamine kitchen countertops can’t inspire your inner lack of creativity, I’m not sure what will. A life-sized cardboard cutout of Jeff Goldblum and Elizabeth Perkins artfully placed in the oh-so-beige hallway? A real life cat and dog to rub your good fortune under the noses of your friends and family? Seriously, what are you waiting for? This is too unbelievably below average to pass up.

The hidden extras: Reliably bottom-of-the-range kitchen appliances and a garage door opener. Be still the murmur in your heart.

Living roomKitchenDining roomBreakfast roomFamily roomStained glass windowMaster bedroomBathroomBedroomAnother bedroomYet another bedroomSecond bathroomBasementBasement bedroomDeckBackyardExterior side