BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 1588 West 54th Avenue, South Granville

Price: $12,888,888

Listing: R2347935

The skinny: Eight-bedroom, 10-bathroom, 8,364-square-foot house on a 12,537-square-foot lot in South Granville

The bling: Well, by gosh, by golly: what a lot you get here for your lolly. Seriously, this is a veritable behemoth of outré personal space: 22 rooms, and not a one of them even slightly underdressed. Yes, apparently you can create a house as coiffed and bouffant as Liberace’s toupée, stiff with the desperation to be liked and twice as tacky. No? A mural of a palm-tree-fringed beach behind your plush headboard, with a zebra-print floor rug at the end of your bed and a six-foot-tall gold mermaid holding aloft your bedside lamp screams understated luxury to you? Well, have at it, because this, my friend, is the epitome of naked, no-holds-barred materialism. You can pay to have it your way. More shag? But of course. Statuary on every shelf? Mais oui, madame. Plonk it all down, plump it all up, pour yourself a red wine and coke, and sit back and get teary-eyed with The Notebook all over again. Yes, we do judge you, but you can buy and sell us several million times over, so that makes us even. Right?

The hidden extras: Everything your heart desires, and more: the world’s resources at your feet throughout (hardwood, onyx, Spanish limestone), media room (to wallow in the world’s worst movies), wine cellar, sauna, heated outdoor pool and, yes—lots and lots of palm trees. Because you’re worth it.

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