BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 3369 The Crescent, Vancouver

Price: $18,980,000

Listing: R2320574

The skinny: Six-bedroom, eight-bathroom, 7,409-square-foot house on a 22,653-square-foot lot in Shaughnessy

The bling: If there’s a more tony address in Vancouver than The Crescent, we’re not sure what it would be. Massive heritage lots that could house 50 families, but you only have to share with your significant other (or no one at all, if that’s your preference, or indeed theirs). With a postal code this powerful, there’s no need to shout about it with over-the-top anything else. Indeed, the inside is suffering the kind of identity crisis that extroverted introverts or introverted extroverts might find quite comforting—a symphony of brown, with blasts of not-brown that threaten to send the world more off-kilter than it already is. These “splashes of colour” may be borderline aggressive in their assertiveness, but that’s the point, right? To be this boldly incongruous is to laugh in the face of dissent, to force lesser beings into covering their eyes and backing away from a space of which they are simply not worthy. You have the big house on the fancy street. You have the backyard that goes on for miles. You, my friend, can fill your shelves with expensive-looking books bought by the yard and no one will dare raise an eyebrow. You may be dull and unexciting, but if you say that a selection of rainbow-coloured jam jars and light fittings makes you interesting, the rest of us peasants will all just have to suck it up. Right?

The hidden extras: This is heritage, darling, it’s too dang exclusive to include the media room/ sauna/ swimming pool/ multi-car garage combo that are ten-a-$10 million around here. That’s what makes it really, really rich.

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