Each week, BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 1949 West 37th Avenue, Vancouver

Price: $5,988,800

MLS: R2135368

The skinny: Five-bedroom, six-bathroom, 3,796-square-foot house on a 6,000-square-foot lot in Vancouver

The bling: Appearances can be deceptive. We all know this. On the outside, you’re a regular guy. Your suits are good quality, but they’re just the right side of boring to ensure you don’t really stand out. A house is a statement. And, just like the suits you favour, you’re looking for a certain grey unobtrusiveness in a luxury home. But beneath the surface, it’s a different story. Underneath the nondescript air of modest wealth you work so hard to carry off, a raging control freak simmering. Oh, yes. Once you step through the front door of your unimpressively faux heritage new build, with its confusion of stucco, fake stone, half-hearted portico and wrought iron Juliet balcony (dangerously close to a flourish too far), it’s a very different story. There must be nothing but clean lines, sharp edges and, please God, no door furniture. That’s right, knobs, handles, pulls—whatever you call these offensively protruding accoutrements—are absolutely verboten. Sinks, on the other hand, must be excessive in number. Two in the kitchen, two in the bathroom—hand-washing at all and every possible opportunity is a necessity if fingerprints on all these push-and-release openings are to be kept at bay. Relaxation is a symphony of white and neutral tones. Everything in its place, and the children banished to their rooms as much as is humanly possible. Yes, this could be the home for you.

The hidden extras: Rec room, wine room, three-car garage, several decks with views.

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