BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 900 - 847 Dunsmuir Road, Esquimalt

Price: $7,000,000

Listing: 401305

The skinny: Three-bedroom, four-bathroom, 4,164-square-foot penthouse in Esquimalt on Vancouver Island

The bling: Dude, you’re paying $7 million to live in an apartment across the harbour from Victoria—how much more “I’ve got a humungous bag of cash and I intend to spend it with no thought to future profit” can you get? Hmmm: maybe install a life-size statue of a cow in the living room? No, we get it: it’s art, man. And there’s something undoubtedly poignant about living on the top floor of a suburban high-rise and wanting to bring the countryside with you. A bit like the tree in a plant pot on the 3,000-square-foot concrete deck, it’s a yearning for a simpler life—just not one you have any intention of living. Look at that banana split masquerading as a sofa: you have to be a serious soul to sit on that having your tea and crumpets. There’s no point wishing you had never become so encumbered by wealth, or that you had chosen a life of philanthropy over personal gain… As Mr. Lichtenstein is there every morning in your bedroom to remind you: “That’s the way it should have begun! But it’s hopeless!”

The hidden extras: Two parking spaces, in-floor heating (to keep your toes toasty), cow not included

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