What to Watch: Wed, March 14

South Park returns for its astonishing 16th season with a season premiere shadowed in mystery

Credit: CTV

What will Kyle, Kenny, Stan, Cartman and the rest of the South Park residents get up to in the season premiere? It’s a tightly guarded secret.

South Park (New Season)
10 p.m. & 3 a.m., Comedy
Kyle, Cartman and the rest of those lovable, potty-mouthed children from the titular Colorado town are back for an epic 16th season. We can only imagine what pop-culture targets are in the sights of creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, since they typically finish each episode within hours of the air date, and even details of the season premiere are still under wraps.

The Middle
8 p.m., Citytv & ABC
With a goal of earning enough money to buy night-vision goggles, Brick gets a job delivering newspapers from the town newsman (former Lou Grant star Ed Asner). Meanwhile, Frankie makes a disturbing discovery about Mike when she finds out he’s been secretly hoarding batteries for years.

Modern Family
9 p.m., Citytv & ABC
While attending the funeral of his beloved clown mentor, Cameron is reunited with his estranged ex-clown partner (Bobby Cannavale of The Station Agent). Meanwhile, Phil’s attempt at landing a very important real-estate listing is thwarted by high-powered realtor Verna Roth (Ellen Barkin of The Big Easy), and Manny makes a cool new friend that causes both Jay and Gloria to become suspicious.

Criminal Minds
9 p.m., CTV2 & CBS
When some married couples who are fostering young children are murdered in Seattle, the BAU team looks for an unsub with a maternal-yet-murderous instinct.

Revenge for Real
10 p.m., Citytv & ABC
Instead of simply airing reruns of Revenge, for the next few weeks Citytv and ABC are giving over the timeslot to this limited-run news series that recounts cases of real-life revenge.

Royal Pains
10 p.m., Showcase
Hank feels that Dr. Paul Van Dyke (Kyle Howard) is responsible for the near-death of art dealer Eric Kassabian (Wilmer Valderrama) due to an error with his prescription, and the HankMed team heads to a divorce party when the party-planner needs medical help.

Samaq’an: Water Stories (New Season)
10 p.m., APTN
This documentary series covers the many issues surrounding the importance of water — both physically and spiritually — as it relates to Canada’s First Nations people, hosted by Severn Cullis-Suzuki.