Need a Breakup Coach? Dating Advice for the Newly Brokenhearted

Credit: Gabriela Camerotti

You’re more likely to meet someone after you’ve been run over by the love truck, says Vancouver dating coach

Wouldn’t it be great if there were such a thing as a breakup coach?

Think about it. We have consultants to help us with our clutter, trainers to get our glutes in gear and mentors to dispense career advice. But when it comes to heartbreak, you’re stuck with the twin attentions of Monsieurs Haagen and Dazs.

Such a creature already exists, in the person of Mick Lolekonda. Mick, who works mostly as a Vancouver dating coach for single professional women, would love to get you up off the couch and around other people (and no, TV doesn’t count).

As incentive, he points out that we’re more likely to meet someone else in times of transition – I think that’s a polite way of saying when you’ve just been run over by the love truck.

And if the idea of getting back onto dating’s highway has the rabbit in you running scared, take heart from Lolekonda’s been-there advice (he recently blogged, alas not in detail, about his own devastating breakup).

Aftermath of a Breakup

The first thing Lolekonda wants you to do is understand the process of the breakup. Take time to grieve – he suggests six months as a ballpark.

Does that mean you should still be in contact with your ex? In most cases, Lolekonda advises against it, at least until you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium. “Fall back on your support system,” he says. “People who make you feel great.”

Then, reassess what you need out of a relationship. Lolekonda says to ditch the material list – he must be over six feet tall and financially solvent, say – and trade it in for an emotional one: how your next lover makes you feel. That’s where coaching can really help, he adds.

Counsellor or Coach?

“That’s the difference between counselling and coaching; counselling forcuses on  the past and the roots of the cause,” says Lolekonda. “I’ve heard clients who’ve tried both methods and the comments I get from them is that with counselling they feel it’s just rehashing all of these causes and they know what they are.

“The coaching approach is one that focuses on where you are now, the strengths and the great things you have going for you. You clarify exactly what you want to have and need and go from there.”