MTV Movie Awards 2012: Russell Brand Targets Justin Bieber, Kanye West in His Monologue

Host Russell Brand offered up a predictably explosive performance for this year's MTV Movie Awards

The newly divorced Brand made sure to turn the gun his way, poking fun at short-lived celebrity marriages

Russell Brand hosted an entertaining, uncensored 2012 MTV Movie Awards

You hire Russell Brand to host your awards show, you get a sometimes uproarious, sometimes trying-way-too-hard and occasionally politically subversive opening to your awards show.

Say this for the man, though: He knows his audience. Right as he took the stage and every time the audience was flagging, he yelled, “Twilight! Hunger Games!” and got predictably big cheers every time. He also went on a couple of political jags, noting his distaste for the two-party system(which is nothing new for him but seemed downright revolutionary in the context of this particular show) and faced his recent newsworthiness, aka his split from Katy Perry, more or less head-on.

Some of the best lines from the monologue:

“Justin Bieber beat up a paparazzi. Well done, Justin! Justin, though, is so pretty that even if he were attacking me I would do a little orgasm.”

“And if after recent events you think it’s hypocritical of me joking about a celebrity beating up a paparazzi, wait until you see what I have to say about short-lived celebrity marriages.”

“I just hope [Kanye West and Kim Kardashian] do a new sex tape. I think of Kim Kardashian as the Stanley Kubrick of sex tapes. They’re always brilliant, but she only does one a decade.”

“Since we haven’t got Kanye here tonight, I need someone in this audience more unstable and reckless than me to do something stupid and start jeopardizing my green card. That someone is obviously Charlie Sheen. … Charlie, you do look well and relatively sober, so what I’ve done is taped a bottle of Hennessy and a gram of coke under your chair.”

“I did literally go to school with Michael Fassbender and I’m ashamed to admit that at the time I didn’t notice his huge, engorged talent at the time because I was too busy staring at his massive c***.”