Big Fat Deal: $5 Million for a Wannabe Castle in Langley

BCLiving takes you inside one of the most outrageously upmarket real estate offerings in the province

Address: 26122 82 Avenue, Langley

Price: $5,250,000

Listing: R2240045

The skinny: Five-bedroom, nine-bathroom, 6,777-square-foot house on a 10-acre estate in Langley

The bling: If money really does talk, then boy oh boy, it’s screaming at the top of its lungs over in Langley. That’s right: no matter that this ye olde turreted mansion was constructed a mere 26 years ago, it’s so big and fat it can call itself “an authentic English Tudor estate” as if Henry VIII himself is likely to roll up to dinner clutching a heavily bosomed wench in one arm and a spit-roast hog in the other. Raise that pewter mug of mead high, my friend, because in this ‘ere universe a man’s house really is his castle. The authenticity doesn’t stop at the suit of armour in the hallway or the portrait of jolly old Harry on the wall; there’s also an “authentic Scottish pub”—scavenged, presumably, from the wreckage of the erstwhile monarch’s savage attacks on his neighbours to the north (’tis a tricky malarky, this authenticity business). Tsk tsk. Enough of that. You are rich and big and fat with ideas fully suited to your glorious station in life, and this, the wondrous Chateau Gloria, fits your overblown bank account like a glove. Now, pull on those purple hose, straighten your doublet and, for goodness sake, puff up that ruff—if you really want the servants to address you as “milord,” authenticity is clearly key. Right?

The hidden extras: Wine cellar to hold all that mead and ale, dining room big enough for all your royal feasts (get those pottages and pies prepped) and grounds big enough that the neighbours won’t be able to watch you prancing around too big for your breeches.